Marriage is honorable don't let your heart become hardened.

² And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” ³ He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” ⁴ They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” ⁵ And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. ⁶ But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ⁷ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,^[a] 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. ⁹ What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

I wish the Pharisees would have asked, “what is the secret to staying married”?  The focus of the question is on the letter of the law.  In another gospel Jesus does say that divorce can be granted for infidelity in the marriage.  It doesn’t have to end, but he said that was permissible.

Yet Jesus does address the heart of the issue….a hardness of the heart.  He spends most of his dialogue reinforcing the beauty of marriage.  From the beginning of creation God intended for man and woman to live together as one flesh.  Paul said this is a mystery.  When two unconditional loves collide the embrace becomes one love. 

What did Jesus mean by hardness of heart.  The greek word for hardness was not like iron or something tough and unbendable.  Rather the word has to do will becoming hard because of the lack of lubrication.  The ground becomes hard when there is no rain or water.  Oil is used to keep our skin from becoming dry, hard and scaly.  The point is that their needs to be a massaging in our marriages in order for them not to become hard.  When it becomes brittle…it can break apart easily.

What are some things that we can do to keep our love moistened for one another?  Forgive openly and often.  When the other does not fulfill your expectations…forgive.  Men love your bride as your most prized possessing.  She will know when you are treating her as the love of your life.  Wives respect your husbands.  Yes, you have seen his shortcomings.  But a woman that believes in her husband will have a husband that will conquer a world of problems for them.

Another simple oil to add is to serve one another in the manner that speaks life to them.  Gary Smalley’s Five love languages is a great teaching and book to understand how to express love to your spouse.  Maybe they need physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of kindness, meaningful gifts or quality time.  Here is a link for basic definitions and a quiz to determine love languages.  https://www.iacac.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/D31-I-Hate-Your-Job-The-5-Love-Languages.pdf 

I recently had a pair of pliers that had become rusty and would not open and close.  I added oil at the joints.  I still had to open and close the pliers many times to get it to operate freely.  Just doing one thing to try and make a marriage work is adding a little oil….but it will take time for relationship to flow freely.  Don’t quit too early.  Don’t give up.  God loves marriage.  May He give great grace when you are going through an incredibly dark and tough season.

Father, help us love marriage.  Give grace to those who have gone through divorce.  No one fully understands the pain of that type of rejection and hurt.  But you are a good God and will help us when we call on you for help.  Marriage is a good thing.